


Look at This Showroom

by witchy_alien



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 08:06:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4012132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_alien/pseuds/witchy_alien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an injury Haru is an alcoholic and Rin just deals with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look at This Showroom

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on [THIS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWQUs7S0bYo)

Rin stared up the hill that led to his house. He watched moths buzz around a flickering street light. Blinking when the sting from staring at the light became too much. He tightened his grip on the bag of groceries in his hand and took a deep breath in. It was a long walk home. 

The chilly spring night cooled his bones. He mentally cursed himself for not wearing a warmer jacket. Wrapping his arms around himself he trudged up the road home. To his home. 

To his house. 

The one he shared with Haruka. 

Up the stairs that were beginning to fall apart from years of being neglected of upkeep and care. From years of being stepped on. Rin took his time walking up each step. Calling out to the stray cats that surrounded the house. None came out of their hiding place, but Rin took notice of the food bowl that was empty. 

The door was unlocked. He untied his shoes and placed them next to Haru's. Walking further into the house, he set the bag down at the table. 

Various beer cans and bottles of Shōchū littered the floor. Rin calmly picked the trash up while a variety show played on the television in the background. 

The house was just as cold as it was outside. The house he shared with Haruka. The home. Their home. The home that used to be filled with so much joy and laughter. Comfortable silences, yelling, food being cooked. 

Rin remembered a time when he would run home as excited as a puppy. After spending the day bragging to his coworkers about his beautiful partner. And they would eye his homemade lunchbox, jealousy in their eyes. Rin would swing the door open and Haru would be there telling him to wipe that dumb smile off his face. 

And Rin would laugh and ask him for a kiss. Which Haru would give to him before preparing a hot bath. And they'd spend the night together watching television. Rin would talk through most of Haru's dramas. But Haru never seemed to mind. 

Now Rin was lucky if Haru was even in the living room when he got home. He was lucky if Haru was even awake, coherent enough to know that he was there. Rin was lucky if he was sober. 

When did Rin take hours to come home? 

When did Rin clean before looking to see where Haru was? 

When did his life become... this? 

Rin sat down on the floor and glared at the grocery bag. He bought mackerel and various vegetables that he thought looked good. But from the absence of Haru he figured he wasn't going to get to eat anytime soon. 

He heard the slosh of the bathtub in the other room. Followed by a clatter, things hitting porcelain. 

Rin wondered for a second if Haru fell into the tub. Counting the bottles he collected in the trash it wouldn't be shocking if Haru had passed out in the water. He couldn't find it in his heart to care. And that frightened him more than anything. 

Rin stood up to go check on Haru. He paused before sliding the bathroom door open. A thought crossed his mind to just leave. Leave Haru, leave their house. Just leave. Run away. 

He gritted his teeth together and walked in. Haru was sitting in the bath, head drooping on the edge of the porcelain. Lethargically, he lifted his head. Rin stared into Haru's bloodshot eyes. Dulled and filled with sadness. 

Rin was angry. Angry at Haru. Angry at himself. 

Haru had it all. And this was how he repaid the world. Sitting in a tub, drunkenly knocking everything over. Making Rin clean up after him on a daily basis. Taking away Rin's sanctuary.

And Rin knew Haru wasn't happy. 

He had watched Haru cry countless times. Sometimes over this. Sometimes over the past. 

"I'm sorry," He would cry out. 

And Rin found as those words were stretched out he cared less. Rin just stopped caring. His heart wasn't in it anymore. It wasn't in anything anymore. 

Years ago, before all of this happened, Rin was happy. Both Haru and him had competed in 4 Olympic games. They were stars, legends even. The sport world loved to talk about them. The power couple who was out to the world. The couple who took on not only the water, but took on those who hated them as well. 

They were legends. 

Were.

Rin was a legend. 

Haru was a legend. 

Rin would laugh watching their interviews. He was always overconfident, too proud, and bold. While Haru only half-assed the entire interview. He never paid attention, only looked around and answered when he felt necessary. Now Rin would watch those interviews with bitterness in his heart. 

Haru had injured himself before their last game. He decided to swim on a meniscal tear, which wouldn't have been a problem if he was treated for it when his knee first began to ache. The ending resulted in Haru having to stop swimming. 

"The water doesn't accept me anymore," He told Rin one day. It was after a shared bottle of wine. They sat, lazily kissing each other in the tub. 

After all that fame and glory they fell back into mediocre lives. Rin worked at the swim club, teaching the kids. And Haru spent most of his time drifting back and forth between the house and physical therapy. 

He was living in pain, Rin knew. And at first Haru was okay. Finding comfort in pain medicine and nice dinners. Comfort in being with Rin. And Rin tried to make him feel better by offering massages. And he would read to him whatever book he was reading. 

Haru started off with a few glasses of wine a night. Some nights he had beer. Rin would get home from work and Haru would hold a glass out to him, which he would accept. Then it went downhill from there. 

Rin would come home from work to Haru giggling as he handed him a glass of wine. Drinking from the bottle himself. 

Then Rin would wait to come home and go out to eat with work friends. Only to come home to Haru passed out in front of the television. Bottles scattered around him. 

It was his life now. 

It was rare that Haru bathed without Rin's help. But when he did it meant that he was in a mood. Nostalgic and self deprecating. Feeling lost and uncertain, maybe a little scared.

Haru stared up at Rin as he lifted him from the tub. Toweling him dry and slipping him into a clean pair of boxers. 

Haru stumbled against Rin, wrapping his arms around him in the process. And Rin hugged him back. Nuzzling his chin into Haru's damp hair. Rin breathed in, slowly, and tried to remember what they used to be. 

This was home. 

Rin used to be at home. 

He tightened his embrace around Haru. Feeling the soft flutter of his heart he still got after all of these years. Even now with Haru completely fucked up. He still loved him. 

And he hated himself for it. 

He hated Haru for it. 

As he scooped Haru up bridal style to walk to his room, Haru held on. Rin was pulled down onto the bed when Haru refused to let go of his hug. 

Sighing, Rin held him longer. He could feel Haru tremble beneath him. Could hear his breathing loud against his ear. Rin felt his eyes burn. The threat of tears escaping to expose him of how weak he was. 

"You're late," Haru mumbled. 

Rin rolled them over, gently, "Sorry." 

Sorry for being late. Sorry for not being strong enough to help him. Sorry for existing. Sorry for enabling. Sorry for not being better. 

Rin kissed Haru's forehead. 

Haru kissed Rin's chin and moved down. Struggling to pull off Rin's shirt. Rin took it off and tossed it onto the floor. Knowing full well this wouldn't go anywhere. Haru was already dozing off as he kissed his chest. 

Haru laid his head against Rin's stomach. Rin ran his fingers in Haru's hair and waited for him to fall asleep. Listening to the dark empty house as the only sounds to hear were him and Haru's breathing. He focused on breathing with him. Finding comfort in the one thing they were able to share. 

"I love you," Haru spoke. His words were slurred and slow. 

Rin closed his eyes, "I love you too." 

And he meant it. 

And he hated it. 

Because years ago those words would bounce of the walls. Bright and cheery, maybe with a little laugh. Sometimes yelled through the thin walls of the house. Most of the time they were whispered beneath the sheets, against his neck, into his ear. 

I love you. I love you. I lost you. 

Rin ran his fingertips on the back of Haru's shaking, frail hand. Haru wrapped his fingers around Rin's. He squeezed onto Rin's hand and scooted up so that they were face to face. Haru kissed him again and rolled to the side. 

Haru squeezed his eyes together and groaned. 

Rin sat up and stared wide eyed, concern flooding his heart, "You feel sick?" 

Haru nodded and turned to his side. Rin rubbed his back in an attempt to comfort him. A small pang of guilt in his mind knowing that he was smart enough to already have an empty trash can on Haru's side of the bed. But at the same time he never tried to get Haru any help. 

He was getting tired of this routine. It was so hard. He lost Haru after that last match that screwed him over. He lost Haru in just a short amount of time. And Rin found that he was losing himself too. 

He used to have dreams, goals. And once he achieved them he fell blindly into what was the now. Loving Haru to the point of exhaustion. 

If this was love. 

Rin guessed in a way it was. A friend helping another friend. A friend hurting another friend. They hurt each other in an endless cycle of abuse and depression. It was unhealthy, Rin knew that. And it made his body tremble and his bones ache. And it made him think about running away. 

But he was weak now. Too dependent on Haru. 

Haru rolled back over to face Rin again. A sign that he was no longer feeling nauseous. He couldn't keep his eyes open, but still reached out to Rin. 

"Have you eaten?" Rin rubbed his cheeks. 

Haru shook his head. He tried sitting up but fell back onto the bed. Rin helped him up and out of the bed. And even with Rin's help Haru still managed to stumble and trip over himself. Staggered movements that were only seen in those who were truly in pain. 

They barely made it out of the room before Haru was falling onto his knees. Hacking up bile onto the wooden floors. 

And Rin could only watch because what else was he to expect at this point. He waited until Haru was finished throwing up the last of what was left in his empty stomach before pulling him back up. He led Haru back into their bedroom and laid him back down. 

He hurried downstairs to fill a glass with water. Glaring down the bag of fish and vegetables he had originally brought home which sat, taunting him, at the table. He ran back up to their room, stepping over the vomit as he went. 

He walked into their bedroom to Haru taking a swig from a half empty bottle of vodka. One that he probably hid from Rin. Because Rin had a very strict rule of no drinking in their bedroom. That was their space. It was their sanctuary.

Rin felt the anger that he first had when walking into the house rise again. He ran over to the bed and grabbed the bottle out of Haru's hand, ignoring as it sloshed onto his arm. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Rin's voice was exasperated and shaky. 

"I was," Haru mumbled, "It makes me feel better." 

Rin shoved the glass of water into his hands and watched Haru drink it. 

"Go to bed," Rin finally said. 

Haru tossed the now empty glass of water to the side, "Rin." He reached out to him. 

And Rin took a step back. Slightly liberated, but mostly guilty, he spoke, "Goodnight, Haru." 

Haru laid down without another word. 

Rin tightened his hold onto the bottle in his hand as he watched how Haru so easily fell asleep. His breathing steady, snoring louder than it used to be. Rin's own breathing hurried, his body in fight or flight mode. 

So he ran. He ran out of their bedroom and stepped over the vomit, knowing full well it could wait to be cleaned. He went to the one room in the house where he could reconnect with the part of himself he had lost. 

Their trophy room. The room which used to be Haru's old bedroom. A study which was now full of their awards, pictures of their achievements. A room full of memories. A room full of his lost self. 

He traced over the pictures framing their lifetime achievements. The only light coming from the moon that shone brightly through the window. He went from their last won Olympic game all the way back to their picture taken as children. Awards shining bright against their necks. Gold and silver hanging behind a case. Just out of reach, just barely there. Just a memory. 

Rin caught his reflection in the glass. His eyes were tired, his face was sunken in. He paused for a bit. His focus moving from his sad face to the trophy in the case. The first one he won together with Haru. Standing tall on the shelf he clearly remembers Haru building. 

Turning away from the glass window he stared down at the bottle in his hands. Glaring at it as if it had destroyed his perfect, beautiful life. And took a swig from it, feeling the way it burned down his throat. Not curing the ache in his chest, but deepening it. 

His eyes burned, but with this he could blame the alcohol. He could blame it for the pain it had caused him. And as he sunk to the floor, finishing off the bottle, he cried. Openly sobbing, cursing the alcohol that burned his throat. Rin cursed the night sky. He cursed the now. 

Rin sobbed and hurled the bottle against the wall. Listening to it shatter. Heaving, desperate to catch his breath. Body shaking, mind clouded and angry. Rin could only cry. Rin could only blame himself.

**Author's Note:**

> okay this took waaaay longer than needed. but it also comes from a super special and serious and personal place for me. i jokingly mention my drinking problem in other works but it got to a point just some time back where i was letting it interfere with my life so much so where i was hiding it and replacing meals with alcohol. sooo um...
> 
> one of those psa things if you're not into religious stuff which aa has to offer but you want to reach out there are other things like samhsa (usa only) or even just therapy. and uuuh yeah.. sorry. 
> 
> have a nice, healthy, beautiful day!


End file.
